When my husband and I began to date, I was completely broken. 

I wanted the relationship, but I went into it with my walls up. I had gone through a lot of Bad relationships. You know how it goes, I was looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong guys.  

So I had it in my head that the bottom would fall out at any time. This relationship was different. I wasn’t only putting myself out there to be hurt, I was putting my son in that position too.

Soon after we started dating, we bought a home together.  I was happy, or at least I thought I was. But I began to push him away. In all aspects of my life, I found myself feeling I couldn’t trust him. Although, he gave me no reason to think this was the case. 

I felt like I was completely losing myself. 

Talk about a heart chakra being blocked, everything within it was blocked! 

I felt like I was losing my mind. I pushed this man so far away from me and didn’t treat him as he deserved to be treated. I felt like I was becoming a monster. 

I started hiding my emotions by drinking, but that only led me farther down in my spiral. I took everything out on him. I didn’t think I was lovable. I didn’t think I had anything to offer.  

It hit me one day that I needed help - I didn’t want to live this way. That day was when my real Journey began. I had to find myself. I had to learn how to heal. 

Heal from my past relationships, from my childhood, and from the present moment. I had to learn to love myself, before I could love anyone else. I had to learn to forgive others and forgive myself.  

I no longer wanted to be a victim anymore. I wanted to fight for myself. I wanted to be over the pain of my past and I wanted to love and be loved. Believe me, it scared the shit out of me. But I started fighting for me.  

I can honestly say I am a survivor. This is why I want to share my journey, so it may help you along your own.  

Meditation, yoga, Reiki, working with my chakra, and working with my therapist has moved me towards having a beautiful life that I can enjoy and trust.  

It was very painful to work through a life of hell, but I didn’t give up. It took me years, but I finally have peace and I am happily married to a man who didn’t stop fighting to help me. 

We have a beautiful life and my son became our son.  

It was worth the fight and I continue to heal and grow each day.